Being Gay in an Indian Society - Voices of Those Thousands Hidden Men

Being gay in India is not a fantasy but a struggle to face throughout our lives. With hundreds of thousands of gay men in India, most of them lie really hidden to live a straight life.

      I myself confess that I am gay and regard myself to be a fortunate homosexual. Being gay was nothing I chose and it is not something that I can deny being also. It was something that I was born with and realised it as I grew up.
      Being a homosexual in India is a tough thing to face. While only a few gays in India open up and live freely as homosexual, a large population remains hidden from the society. It is a true fact that India has legalised homosexual relationships but what about social acceptance?

       I am a boy from the Himalayan hills of Sikkim and have lived a life like a normal boy would live. I never thought and do not even think that I am lesser than a straight boy, as I believe I have talent, and an ability to learn. If there is any difference, then it would be only  the sexual preference. I know that most people today too do not understand and accept gay relationships, and I also know that getting a social acceptance in an Indian society is almost impossible but I can see that youngsters today are being open minded. I actually do not know the purpose why I am writing these lines, but it is something that comes up from my mind.
         It is a fact that I am gay and I get attracted to males rather than females, in our society, I can never open up my feelings and live a normal life. I have often heard people saying, to change gay men into straight men. I think that is funny. Being gay was not something I chose or any other gay men chose, it is just something that you were born with. Therefore, one can't just turn from gay to straight or straight to gay, like there was a switch to turn on and off everytime to switch between the two.

      I have seen this misconception amongst people today for what they visualise when they use the term 'gay Men'. Gay men do not mean men who acts like women, wear makeups and so on and so forth. Being gay simply implies to sexual preference. I do not think I have a girlish or a feminine character or any such stupid ideas still I am gay. I believe I have done every possible thing that a straight guy can do, still I am no less and I am gay. But even being a normal boy, but gay, I must always put up a mask in my face, everytime, everywhere I go, just to hide myself and act being straight. Yes, I have had girlfriends and had so many girls who have fallen for me, but what is the use? I ended up breaking their hearts and again moving to the next girl, when I wanted a boy whom I could actually fall in love with and spend my entire life with. Just to show up to the world I dated girls and couldn't show up that I was dating a boy. Each and every moment of my life was spent in hiding myself, my real identity, though I have not committed any crime still I can't be myself.

      I often see great people delivering speeches when they say, 'If you want to be the best, be yourself, don't mimic anyone,' but does that imply to me and thousands of other guys like me? No. This is probably something I have to live up with throughout my entire life, hiding from myself, struggling, and trying to be NOT ME and pretending to be someone else, just to be safe, even when I have committed no crime. Is being gay a crime? Is my life a curse that I was born gay? Are millions of gay men around the world have a cursed life? I never regreted being gay though I had to struggle in every twist and turns in life, but what are people upto?

     I want to hear the readers opinion too that do they laugh at this issue or accept it?